This is described a little at the bottom of some posts in which I reference God. I want to clarify a bit my use of the term, as it is a loaded one. People will make assumptions about what I mean, and will put their own definitions into it. (I suppose that's true of everything anyone ever reads or writes, but this is a particularly volatile subject.)
I do not define God in the way of any particular religion; I have no specific deity in mind. I will use the terms "God," "Spirit," "all that is," and probably several others interchangeably. When I do, I am referring to the benevolent force that I do believe exists that unites all life.
I am not referring to any kind of "destiny," "creator," "judge," etc. It's simply the binding force of the universe, which I do believe is the spark of life, consciousness, love, and I do believe is benevolent in that I believe all beings are basically good. As my mother used to say, "if we weren't all basically good to begin with, we'd have blown ourselves up a long time ago." (Some may argue that we're getting damn close, but that is to be left for a more political discussion.)
I am not using the term to comment on anyone else's beliefs or use of the term. And this definition may evolve over time. But for now, this is where I'm coming from, and I certainly welcome questions if there is something upsetting or concerning in my use of the word. I do, however, reserve the right to respectfully disagree with people if I so choose.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Everything happens in perfect time
There's a lot of trust required in going through the growth process. (Speaking of which, I need a better word. Enlightenment seems too strong, but I need a word for what this process is all about. And "growth process" just makes it sound like I'm getting taller.)
I find trust difficult at times, and completely natural at others. The trust that I'm talking about is what some might call "faith," though I shy away from such a loaded word. It's that trusting, or having faith in, the idea that everything will work out for the best.
One element of this is what many of my peers and teachers have referred to as "Divine Timing." This is the idea that everything is always happening in the time it was meant to.
People speak esoterically about such things all the time. When a relationship doesn't work out, they might attribute it to "bad timing" or they'll speak of things being "meant to be." It comes up for me a lot because there are things I have been wanting to do in my life for years, and they just keep not working out. So I get frustrated, thinking it's my fault - that I should be trying harder or doing something differently to MAKE it happen.
And then one of my friends said "well, maybe it's just not the right time."
"But how can it not be the right time? I've been talking about this for years! It should've been the right time a long time ago!"
There I go, playing God* again. (Gee, Ego loves to do that. Ego apparently missed the part where God is all-loving and doesn't pass judgment.) Who am I to decide when is or isn't or should or shouldn't be the the right time for things? Not to mention, I am not being compassionate with myself. Rather than saying "it's part of the process. It's not your fault that this hasn't worked out yet. It's just not time," I'm getting all upset over nothing.
Everything will happen in its own time. Everything happens in the time it is meant to. We don't need to judge it, or try to control it. Placing judgment or trying to push against the current of the flow of time will only create stress, and draws us out of alignment. It's much easier to "go with the flow;" I just have to learn not to get mad at the river for not flowing faster.
*on my use of the term "God:" I have no specific deity in mind. I do not define God in the way of any particular religion. I will use the terms "God," "Spirit," "all that is," and probably several others interchangeably. When I do, I am referring to the benevolent force that I do believe exists that unites all life. I am not referring to any kind of "destiny," "creator," "judge," etc. It's simply the binding force of the universe, which I do believe is the spark of life, consciousness, love, and I do believe is benevolent in that I believe all beings are basically good. As my mother used to say, "if we weren't all basically good to begin with, we'd have blown ourselves up a long time ago." (Some may argue that we're getting damn close, but that is to be left for a more political discussion.)
I find trust difficult at times, and completely natural at others. The trust that I'm talking about is what some might call "faith," though I shy away from such a loaded word. It's that trusting, or having faith in, the idea that everything will work out for the best.
One element of this is what many of my peers and teachers have referred to as "Divine Timing." This is the idea that everything is always happening in the time it was meant to.
People speak esoterically about such things all the time. When a relationship doesn't work out, they might attribute it to "bad timing" or they'll speak of things being "meant to be." It comes up for me a lot because there are things I have been wanting to do in my life for years, and they just keep not working out. So I get frustrated, thinking it's my fault - that I should be trying harder or doing something differently to MAKE it happen.
And then one of my friends said "well, maybe it's just not the right time."
"But how can it not be the right time? I've been talking about this for years! It should've been the right time a long time ago!"
There I go, playing God* again. (Gee, Ego loves to do that. Ego apparently missed the part where God is all-loving and doesn't pass judgment.) Who am I to decide when is or isn't or should or shouldn't be the the right time for things? Not to mention, I am not being compassionate with myself. Rather than saying "it's part of the process. It's not your fault that this hasn't worked out yet. It's just not time," I'm getting all upset over nothing.
Everything will happen in its own time. Everything happens in the time it is meant to. We don't need to judge it, or try to control it. Placing judgment or trying to push against the current of the flow of time will only create stress, and draws us out of alignment. It's much easier to "go with the flow;" I just have to learn not to get mad at the river for not flowing faster.
*on my use of the term "God:" I have no specific deity in mind. I do not define God in the way of any particular religion. I will use the terms "God," "Spirit," "all that is," and probably several others interchangeably. When I do, I am referring to the benevolent force that I do believe exists that unites all life. I am not referring to any kind of "destiny," "creator," "judge," etc. It's simply the binding force of the universe, which I do believe is the spark of life, consciousness, love, and I do believe is benevolent in that I believe all beings are basically good. As my mother used to say, "if we weren't all basically good to begin with, we'd have blown ourselves up a long time ago." (Some may argue that we're getting damn close, but that is to be left for a more political discussion.)
You can't beat yourself up about it
I got mad at myself for not maintaining my meditation practice regularly enough.
Think about that for a minute.
I created more stress, I criticized myself ("geez, Nicole. You can't even manage to sit quietly with your eyes closed for 20 minutes a day. 20 minutes a day! That's nothing! Really you should be doing it for hours. Way to go.") and basically defeated the purpose of my practice.
Being compassionate with ourselves means loving and forgiving ourselves, as I mentioned in my prior post. But being compassionate isn't just about saying "I'll love myself even though I weigh more than I want to," or "I forgive myself for being mean to that boy in high school." It's an active, ongoing thing. It means that even as we go through our growth and healing processes, we have to forgive ourselves.
Choosing the path of growth means that we have to recognize that it is a process. Sometimes we will run up hills and other times we will stumble or even just sit down and (temporarily) give up while walking on a flat, straight road. Being compassionate with myself means forgiving myself for "messing up." Even more than that, it means not placing judgment on how things are or where they are going. Rather than thinking of it as "messing up" just thinking of it as part of the process.
And now I think it's time to start a new post, on Divine Timing.
Think about that for a minute.
I created more stress, I criticized myself ("geez, Nicole. You can't even manage to sit quietly with your eyes closed for 20 minutes a day. 20 minutes a day! That's nothing! Really you should be doing it for hours. Way to go.") and basically defeated the purpose of my practice.
Being compassionate with ourselves means loving and forgiving ourselves, as I mentioned in my prior post. But being compassionate isn't just about saying "I'll love myself even though I weigh more than I want to," or "I forgive myself for being mean to that boy in high school." It's an active, ongoing thing. It means that even as we go through our growth and healing processes, we have to forgive ourselves.
Choosing the path of growth means that we have to recognize that it is a process. Sometimes we will run up hills and other times we will stumble or even just sit down and (temporarily) give up while walking on a flat, straight road. Being compassionate with myself means forgiving myself for "messing up." Even more than that, it means not placing judgment on how things are or where they are going. Rather than thinking of it as "messing up" just thinking of it as part of the process.
And now I think it's time to start a new post, on Divine Timing.
I love myself?
Being compassionate with ourselves is absolutely necessary for growth. It means we need to be patient with the time our processes take. It means we have to forgive ourselves for any wrongdoings or mistakes. It means we need to love ourselves unconditionally.
And that's really, really hard.
We've all had people tell us that we need to love ourselves before we can expect others to love us. My teacher talks about how so many of us are walking around with a "half-full heart," looking for someone else to fill in the missing half. But then the problem is you have two people walking around with one heart.
So consider, if you could do the inner work to fill your own heart with love and compassion for yourself, and then meet someone else who has done the same. And then you increase your love because not only are you loved fully by yourself, but by another. And then it multiplies as you share your love for the other. Instead of two people sharing just one full heart (and being completely co-dependent in order to maintain that fullness) you have two people exponentially increasing an infinite amount of love.
Sounds pretty darn good to me.
And so, I continue to try to fill my own heart.
But like I said, it's really, really hard.
I feel like I do pretty well with it sometimes. Other times I think that I don't even like myself much, so you can forget about loving myself. And that's where the compassion comes in.
Ever since I was young I have been a driven perfectionist. Unfortunately, I'm a driven perfectionist with the attention span of a 3-year old with ADD. Being able to focus on a given task for no more than 3 minutes makes it very difficult to complete without error. Though the pendulum swings both ways - when I get into a task that I want to do "perfectly" I will focus on it without interruption for hours. Which makes things equally difficult - rarely can I dedicate such time to a project. When I do get interrupted I lose either my place, focus, or motivation, and I end up with something half-perfect, half-thrown together. (I'm sure my friends and family look at that description and think, "yep. That's Nicole alright.")
That perfectionism, of course, is very much a part of how I perceive myself. Think about how many times you have thought "I will love myself when..." I will love myself when I can get my acne to go away. And when I lose 15 pounds. And when I am on time and completely prepared for everything, all of the time. And when I have apologized to every single person I have ever hurt. I will love myself when I am actually perfect, and not before... and suddenly, I'm awfully far from ever being able to love myself completely.
Compassion says "I will love myself now. Completely. Without judgment or limitation." Yeah, still working on that one.
Compassion also relates to the topics of Divine Timing (everything always happens in its perfect timing) and Judgment, for which there will soon be posts.
And that's really, really hard.
We've all had people tell us that we need to love ourselves before we can expect others to love us. My teacher talks about how so many of us are walking around with a "half-full heart," looking for someone else to fill in the missing half. But then the problem is you have two people walking around with one heart.
So consider, if you could do the inner work to fill your own heart with love and compassion for yourself, and then meet someone else who has done the same. And then you increase your love because not only are you loved fully by yourself, but by another. And then it multiplies as you share your love for the other. Instead of two people sharing just one full heart (and being completely co-dependent in order to maintain that fullness) you have two people exponentially increasing an infinite amount of love.
Sounds pretty darn good to me.
And so, I continue to try to fill my own heart.
But like I said, it's really, really hard.
I feel like I do pretty well with it sometimes. Other times I think that I don't even like myself much, so you can forget about loving myself. And that's where the compassion comes in.
Ever since I was young I have been a driven perfectionist. Unfortunately, I'm a driven perfectionist with the attention span of a 3-year old with ADD. Being able to focus on a given task for no more than 3 minutes makes it very difficult to complete without error. Though the pendulum swings both ways - when I get into a task that I want to do "perfectly" I will focus on it without interruption for hours. Which makes things equally difficult - rarely can I dedicate such time to a project. When I do get interrupted I lose either my place, focus, or motivation, and I end up with something half-perfect, half-thrown together. (I'm sure my friends and family look at that description and think, "yep. That's Nicole alright.")
That perfectionism, of course, is very much a part of how I perceive myself. Think about how many times you have thought "I will love myself when..." I will love myself when I can get my acne to go away. And when I lose 15 pounds. And when I am on time and completely prepared for everything, all of the time. And when I have apologized to every single person I have ever hurt. I will love myself when I am actually perfect, and not before... and suddenly, I'm awfully far from ever being able to love myself completely.
Compassion says "I will love myself now. Completely. Without judgment or limitation." Yeah, still working on that one.
Compassion also relates to the topics of Divine Timing (everything always happens in its perfect timing) and Judgment, for which there will soon be posts.
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