This morning, I was ready for work 15 minutes early. This NEVER happens. I had NO IDEA what to do with myself. So I sat down and tried to figure out what was up. I hadn't rushed more than normal, if anything I was moving slowly. I had slept later than usual. I hadn't forgotten to do anything... so how did this happen?
I had planned ahead, and did a really good job of it.
The backstory:
Looking at my calendar on Sunday, I saw the following on my list for the week:
-prep for and teach a massage class
-do interviews and write a magazine article
-go to two dress rehearsals and perform in three concerts
-host a dinner party
and in addition, somehow still get my actual work done at work, make it to the gym, prepare and eat healthy meals, and get plenty of sleep so my voice didn't suffer.
I knew that there was no way I could "wing it" the way I usually do and make all of this happen, not without sacrificing the sleep. I'm trying to be more proactive about eating right, sticking to my exercise routine, Ascending more, and sleeping enough, and I knew if I was going to pull it all off without a stress freak-out midweek I'd have to do something I haven't done in years: schedule it all out.
So I sat down and planned out, in 15-minute increments, my entire week. This included blocking out travel time, (which I almost never account for) when I was going to cook, shower, etc. I made sure I had adequate time for everything.
It worked beautifully. My week has hummed along easily, and I've never had to be in a rush. I've gotten everything done.
It feels really, really odd. I still rush. I keep finding myself getting home and racing around, even though I have plenty of time. I have to stop and remind myself to slow down, I have to remember that there's plenty of time. I don't need to be stressed or pushing myself. Everything will happen in the time it is supposed to. But part of me keeps saying "don't we have somewhere to be? Are you sure you're not late for something?"
Whoa. Why does part of me want to be stressed out and running around like crazy? Because that's what I'm used to.
By changing up the way we do something, whether trying it a new way or just stepping back from it altogether, we can gain perspective on what we consider "normal." Sometimes we don't even realize that we're doing something in a less effective or even self-destructive way, and it takes changing things up to see that.
Look for more stories next week on this topic.
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Back to the Beginning
I audited a First Sphere this weekend.
Background
A "First Sphere" is what we refer to the introductory weekend of workshops in which you learn the basic techniques of Ascension. There are several groupings of meditation techniques, referred to as "Spheres." In the introductory weekend (a class that happens over Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday afternoons but isn't usually an overnight-stay kind of retreat) you learn the first grouping of techniques - the First Sphere.
Once someone has taken the First Sphere, it can be audited for free as many times as they would like. I think this was my 8th.
Why
I was attending the First Sphere this weekend primarily to support one of my best friends, Kim, who decided she would like to learn to Ascend, and also to connect with the local Ascension community, since I missed the Advanced Retreat last weekend.
Kim is someone I have known for many years, and had always hoped she would find something like Ascension. She is a wonderful, cheerful, and eternally loyal friend. But like many of us, Kim gets stressed out. Sometimes the craziness of a mind that won't shut up and emotions that refuse to disengage get to her. It just makes life harder than it needs to be.
I'm proud of her for deciding to do something about it. She's been having a rough time lately, and I think it shows great strength to be dealing with that kind of thing and then make the decision to do something proactive, rather than just giving up.
Now the key is sticking with it. I hope she will - between me and Ian and my mom, she has a lot of support.
I've seen a lot of people go through the First Sphere and not keep up the practice. The difference between the ones who do and the ones who don't usually has to do with whether they have a support system - friends and family - who encourage them to keep up with it. or, if they're someone who is really, seriously on a path for self-improvement and this practice just resonates.
But more often it's because there's someone in your life to remind you to "drop an attitude" (as we call using the techniques)when you're upset, or to sit and Ascend instead of watching TV before bed.
Thank you, Mom.
What I learned
As I said, this is my 8th First Sphere. Yet every time, I hear something in the teachings that I didn't before. Or I understand it better now that I've had some of the experiences Lyrea talks about. I still take notes every time; they always turn out differently.
In many ways, this weekend provided an excellent reference point for hindsight. Being there with Kim reminded me of where I was in life when I started this process, and just how far I have come. It's reassuring to have those moments, because the practice of Ascension is so subtle. Oftentimes we don't realize we have reached moments of higher consciousness until well after the fact, when we review and see the differences between that experience and what was before.
As Lyrea talked about different aspects of how Ascension can effect your life, I started realizing how they had effected my own. (Look for a future post on "Dating and the Shadow Self" related to this.)Perhaps most unexpected from this weekend was what I got out of it. I thought I was going to support a friend, but I gained a lot for myself, too.
Approaching With Innocence
Lyrea always reminds us to go into every sitting with innocence and without expectation. Every time you Ascend is different.
Yet I found myself preparing for this weekend thinking "oh, it's just a First Sphere." As if the time we spend Ascending is somehow less valuable or powerful during an introductory weekend. It's not.
You have to meet yourself where you are today. I have heard yoga teachers talk about this in terms of doing the yoga that your body needs today - not expecting to stretch as far as yesterday, or assuming that since you did 20 sun salutations before, you should be able to do 21 now. Today you may only be ready for 15. I've always taken it to heart, but sometimes I have to remind myself that it applies to the yoga of the mind, too.
Today's Ascension might be a hen house. Or it might be an Exalted experience. Or you might fall asleep. Whatever it is, you can't decide ahead of time how it's going to be.
Background
A "First Sphere" is what we refer to the introductory weekend of workshops in which you learn the basic techniques of Ascension. There are several groupings of meditation techniques, referred to as "Spheres." In the introductory weekend (a class that happens over Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday afternoons but isn't usually an overnight-stay kind of retreat) you learn the first grouping of techniques - the First Sphere.
Once someone has taken the First Sphere, it can be audited for free as many times as they would like. I think this was my 8th.
Why
I was attending the First Sphere this weekend primarily to support one of my best friends, Kim, who decided she would like to learn to Ascend, and also to connect with the local Ascension community, since I missed the Advanced Retreat last weekend.
Kim is someone I have known for many years, and had always hoped she would find something like Ascension. She is a wonderful, cheerful, and eternally loyal friend. But like many of us, Kim gets stressed out. Sometimes the craziness of a mind that won't shut up and emotions that refuse to disengage get to her. It just makes life harder than it needs to be.
I'm proud of her for deciding to do something about it. She's been having a rough time lately, and I think it shows great strength to be dealing with that kind of thing and then make the decision to do something proactive, rather than just giving up.
Now the key is sticking with it. I hope she will - between me and Ian and my mom, she has a lot of support.
I've seen a lot of people go through the First Sphere and not keep up the practice. The difference between the ones who do and the ones who don't usually has to do with whether they have a support system - friends and family - who encourage them to keep up with it. or, if they're someone who is really, seriously on a path for self-improvement and this practice just resonates.
But more often it's because there's someone in your life to remind you to "drop an attitude" (as we call using the techniques)when you're upset, or to sit and Ascend instead of watching TV before bed.
Thank you, Mom.
What I learned
As I said, this is my 8th First Sphere. Yet every time, I hear something in the teachings that I didn't before. Or I understand it better now that I've had some of the experiences Lyrea talks about. I still take notes every time; they always turn out differently.
In many ways, this weekend provided an excellent reference point for hindsight. Being there with Kim reminded me of where I was in life when I started this process, and just how far I have come. It's reassuring to have those moments, because the practice of Ascension is so subtle. Oftentimes we don't realize we have reached moments of higher consciousness until well after the fact, when we review and see the differences between that experience and what was before.
As Lyrea talked about different aspects of how Ascension can effect your life, I started realizing how they had effected my own. (Look for a future post on "Dating and the Shadow Self" related to this.)Perhaps most unexpected from this weekend was what I got out of it. I thought I was going to support a friend, but I gained a lot for myself, too.
Approaching With Innocence
Lyrea always reminds us to go into every sitting with innocence and without expectation. Every time you Ascend is different.
Yet I found myself preparing for this weekend thinking "oh, it's just a First Sphere." As if the time we spend Ascending is somehow less valuable or powerful during an introductory weekend. It's not.
You have to meet yourself where you are today. I have heard yoga teachers talk about this in terms of doing the yoga that your body needs today - not expecting to stretch as far as yesterday, or assuming that since you did 20 sun salutations before, you should be able to do 21 now. Today you may only be ready for 15. I've always taken it to heart, but sometimes I have to remind myself that it applies to the yoga of the mind, too.
Today's Ascension might be a hen house. Or it might be an Exalted experience. Or you might fall asleep. Whatever it is, you can't decide ahead of time how it's going to be.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Money and Meditation: a lesson in priorities
Background
Three or four times a year, Lyrea sets up and hosts an Advanced Retreat for Ascenders who have completed the First Sphere weekend. The First Sphere is what the initial weekend of workshops is called, where you learn the basic techniques of Ascension. Advanced Retreats are four days in length, and rather than being in a workshop format, you stay in residence for the entire time. We have more in-depth discussion about Ascension, it's origins, practice, and purpose, as well as a full day of fasting and silence during which you simply Ascend for the day. It's very interesting and most people find very helpful and sometimes a powerful experience of really increasing your connection to that deep place we refer to as Ascendant Consciousness.
The Debate
Anyway, there was an Advanced Retreat this past weekend. I hadn't planned to go, as I just went to the one in November and will go to one in May. With a vacation coming up and having just recently taken a trip to visit my grandmothers in South Carolina, I wasn't planning to afford the retreat.
But with all of the cleansing things I've been doing, four days of Ascending started to sound pretty good. So at the last minute, I found myself trying to shift my schedule and scrape together the money to go on retreat.
It was really stressful.
The Advanced Retreats aren't that expensive; they're actually cheaper than the First Sphere weekends. But it's still a bit of money that I wasn't planning to spend at this point in time.
I found myself thinking that if the debate was between finding $150 and not getting four days of Ascending and learning from Lyrea, the choice was obvious. It seemed silly to me to even be considering not going over the cost. Of course, then you have to factor in that the retreat started at 2:00 on Thursday afternoon, so I'd be missing 1.5 days at my day job and the seven massage clients I usually see on the weekends. Suddenly the retreat would cost me more like $400.
Still, I didn't like the sense of choosing money over meditation. But when it came down to it, I just don't have the money right now, and worrying about how to pay for the retreat (much less rescheduling weekend clients and classes) was becoming more detrimental in terms of stress than it would be worth to go.
Input from Emil: Prioritizing Goals
As I often do when dealing with spiritual issues, I hopped on Gchat to talk with my friend Emil, who has similar kinds of spiritual pursuits. I told him I was feeling guilty about choosing to save money over the higher pursuit of personal development. He re-framed the choice I was making, by saying that I was "picking a long term goal over an immediate one."
That totally changed my perspective. Rather than feeling bad about choosing money, I could feel good about making a choice that supported a longer-term goal of saving money for future things - possibly future retreats.
Choice and Effect
I got to thinking about the effects of each choice, too. If I spent the money, it would take me awhile to recoup the damage done to my budget. A lot of stress would come out of feeling broke and having to work a lot. Whereas skipping the retreat doesn't really have any negative impact. Certainly attending would have some positive benefit, but between the two, it seems that more stress would be created by choosing to attend and therefore spend the money.
After all, the pursuit of spiritual growth and development happens over a lifetime, and has no real urgency. I don't have to become enlightened NOW. This is not a one-time opportunity; it will always be there to pursue.
Not going on the retreat doesn't stop my growth with Ascension. I may not get the boost of encouragement and "sinking in" that one gets with a retreat, but I can still sit and Ascend every day on my own. I can still keep moving forward with my practice even if I can't make it to every retreat or meeting right now.
Three or four times a year, Lyrea sets up and hosts an Advanced Retreat for Ascenders who have completed the First Sphere weekend. The First Sphere is what the initial weekend of workshops is called, where you learn the basic techniques of Ascension. Advanced Retreats are four days in length, and rather than being in a workshop format, you stay in residence for the entire time. We have more in-depth discussion about Ascension, it's origins, practice, and purpose, as well as a full day of fasting and silence during which you simply Ascend for the day. It's very interesting and most people find very helpful and sometimes a powerful experience of really increasing your connection to that deep place we refer to as Ascendant Consciousness.
The Debate
Anyway, there was an Advanced Retreat this past weekend. I hadn't planned to go, as I just went to the one in November and will go to one in May. With a vacation coming up and having just recently taken a trip to visit my grandmothers in South Carolina, I wasn't planning to afford the retreat.
But with all of the cleansing things I've been doing, four days of Ascending started to sound pretty good. So at the last minute, I found myself trying to shift my schedule and scrape together the money to go on retreat.
It was really stressful.
The Advanced Retreats aren't that expensive; they're actually cheaper than the First Sphere weekends. But it's still a bit of money that I wasn't planning to spend at this point in time.
I found myself thinking that if the debate was between finding $150 and not getting four days of Ascending and learning from Lyrea, the choice was obvious. It seemed silly to me to even be considering not going over the cost. Of course, then you have to factor in that the retreat started at 2:00 on Thursday afternoon, so I'd be missing 1.5 days at my day job and the seven massage clients I usually see on the weekends. Suddenly the retreat would cost me more like $400.
Still, I didn't like the sense of choosing money over meditation. But when it came down to it, I just don't have the money right now, and worrying about how to pay for the retreat (much less rescheduling weekend clients and classes) was becoming more detrimental in terms of stress than it would be worth to go.
Input from Emil: Prioritizing Goals
As I often do when dealing with spiritual issues, I hopped on Gchat to talk with my friend Emil, who has similar kinds of spiritual pursuits. I told him I was feeling guilty about choosing to save money over the higher pursuit of personal development. He re-framed the choice I was making, by saying that I was "picking a long term goal over an immediate one."
That totally changed my perspective. Rather than feeling bad about choosing money, I could feel good about making a choice that supported a longer-term goal of saving money for future things - possibly future retreats.
Choice and Effect
I got to thinking about the effects of each choice, too. If I spent the money, it would take me awhile to recoup the damage done to my budget. A lot of stress would come out of feeling broke and having to work a lot. Whereas skipping the retreat doesn't really have any negative impact. Certainly attending would have some positive benefit, but between the two, it seems that more stress would be created by choosing to attend and therefore spend the money.
After all, the pursuit of spiritual growth and development happens over a lifetime, and has no real urgency. I don't have to become enlightened NOW. This is not a one-time opportunity; it will always be there to pursue.
Not going on the retreat doesn't stop my growth with Ascension. I may not get the boost of encouragement and "sinking in" that one gets with a retreat, but I can still sit and Ascend every day on my own. I can still keep moving forward with my practice even if I can't make it to every retreat or meeting right now.
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